Up-dated 05/03/07

Allow me to introduce my self. My name is Paul Todd and this is my little part of the Internet. My purpose in having this web site is to share those parts of my life with others that I think might be of benefit to them. Furthermore, this web site is part of a therapy program that I will explain later.

I was born on March 14^th, 1949 which makes me “old” by some standards. I have been married for 36 years as of 2005 to Margaret and I have two children. My son is 36 and he has two children, a son and a daughter and my daughter is 33 and she has a daughter.

I was born in Panama but I was pretty much raised in Minneapolis, Minnesota. I left in 1968 to go into the Army and I no longer consider Minnesota “home”. I was in the Army from 1968 to 1979 (11 years, 4 months and 15 days). I served in Vietnam from 1969 to 1970, a little time in Germany and the rest of the time in the Army’s Nuclear Power Program (after a very difficult, 13 month school). During my time in the Army Nuclear Power Program I was on temporary duty to several very warm climates. I went to American Samoa three times and Enewetok (in the middle of the Pacific) twice and to Panama once and a lot of other places. After I got out of the Army in 1979, I spent a great deal of time working for utilities at power plants and in substations until I had a long layoff and wound up working for a training company in Tampa Florida.

I have modified this paragraph from the original. I used to like Florida. It’s warm down here compared to up north and I do like warm compared to cold. After a few years in Tampa, I moved over here to Titusville Florida on the East coast and have been here ever since. I used to like Titusville and would have stayed here permanently. However, I am having great difficulty living in the neighborhood that I live in. There are far too many inconsiderate and noisy people for my liking. We wanted to move out to the “country” but the cost of property in this part of Florida is just skyrocketing. Titusville is becoming a “bedroom community” to Orlando and many northerners are moving down here when they retire. There are developments popping up like weeds all over the place which causes the property values to get too high. This part of Florida is getting full of people. Somehow they have been convinced that this is a great place to move to. According to statistics, there are 1000 people a day moving into Florida and 400 a day leaving. Pretty soon the state is going to sink.

Oh, did I mention the Hurricanes? Back in the summer of 2004 we had 3 hurricanes come through this part of Florida but there were a lot more “near misses” that we had to prepare for. In August 2004 hurricane Charlie came through our area. It only affected us with a lot of wind and rain. At the end of August 2004, hurricane Frances came through with a lot of wind and rain. We lost power and did not get it back for NINE DAYS! In September, hurricane Jeanne came through to the south of us. We had a lot of wind and rain and by this time my wife and I had “hurricane fatigue”. We also had to take all precautions every time there was a hurricane heading our way. 2005 wasn’t too bad and I can’t remember any major storms in our area. However, as we enter the 2006 hurricane season, I just don’t want to put up with it any more.

Oh, did I mention alligators? It must be assumed that any body of fresh water contains alligators. This year there have been several people killed by alligators and in the past 20 years that we have been in Florida, there have been many people, children and even pets either killed or injured by alligators. One of the reasons is that when the northerners come down here they think its fun to feed the alligators. This is just plain stupid because it makes the gator loose his fear of man.

Oh, did I mention the beach? I like the beach but I can’t go there anymore. I am on certain medications that make me sun sensitive so when I get out in the midday Florida sun, I get sick. And here I live in the “Sunshine State”! Oh, did I mention the sharks? The ocean around here seems to have a larger number of sharks then usual. Most of the sharks really aren’t “man eaters”; they usually bite because they think we are a fish. It’s just a case of mistaken identity. Oh, did I mention the jellyfish? I hate jellyfish. Even when they die, their tentacles can cause nasty stings.

Oh, did I mention the fire ants? For some reason I am sensitive to the fire ant bites. Since we came down here to Florida, if I am out barefooted every fire ant within 20 feet will detect my feet and bite them. The bites are quite painful and swell up for several days.

We are examining other places to move to and at the present time we are looking to middle eastern Tennessee. The weather is mild and the house costs are lower then here. We can actually buy acreage for what we can sell this house for. I’ll keep you up to date.

UP-DATE ON MOVE

We went back up to Crossville Tennessee from 09/14 to 09/17 to look at a house we looked at before and we wanted to look at a few other houses. After seeing many houses, we found the place we wanted. This is what the house looks like from the front.

The house is actually in Sparta Tennessee which is just a little west of Crossville. The house is in a country setting on 2 acres. A little more than half of the property is woods so I will have all the turning wood I would ever need. It has a large 2 car garage and work shop building. So this will be the place. We won’t move in until about late November or early December.

The story continues!!

More up-date.

Well, we closed on our new house on 10/20/06 and we will be able to move in by 12/19/06. I have added more information in “What’s Happening in Ptville” so check it out.

MORE UP-DATE ON MOVE

You can now view some photos of the new PTville residence by going to the photo album.

OK, so you’ve read this far and you think that this is not very exciting and you’re about ready to go to another web site. If I’ve bored you, I’m sorry, however, maybe some of my story might help you or maybe someone you know. I could tell you about all the projects I was on and all the things that I did but that is even boring to me now. I have a thick pile of letters of commendation. I even have a resolution of the government of American Samoa for the work I did there. But these things honestly don’t matter to you and they are only ancient history to me. What I want to tell you now are things that really matter.

Sobering Up

You see, I had a drinking problem. During my Army days I was drinking a bit more then I should have. Wait a minute; I should be saying that I was drinking a whole lot. And it had gotten the better of me and when I got out of the Army, it only got worse. Something had to be done but I did not know what. Well, one morning on a job in Sioux Falls, South Dakota I was sitting on the john and looked at a nearly empty bottle of bourbon that I had bought only a few days before. My head was really pounding and I was not sure I was actually alive. I prayed that something would be done. I guess I was praying that I could somehow control my drinking. This took place in probably January 1981. Later I talked to a friend of mine in AA who helped me a great deal by explaining what was going on. From what I learned from him my real problem was that I could not “not drink”. I was not even sure that not drinking was an option. What I will now tell you is what I consider a miracle.

We were invited to my brother in law’s wedding on April 25, 1981. My brother in law is a lawyer and really thinks he is something. The people at the wedding and reception were family and “important” people in the legal profession. He knew everyone at the reception. At the reception I went out on the patio with many other men who wanted to drink or who were not interested in watching the bride open her gifts. I was drinking; however, this is the first time that I was so disgusted with my drinking. I had been remorseful and even unhappy when I drank before but this time something was very different.

There was an older man in a 3 piece suit sitting near one of the corners of the patio we were on. He was talking to what would appear to be no one in particular. I have very poor hearing but I could hear him clearly even though I was standing some distance away. He said something about “since I quit drinking……” and a few other things about giving up drinking. To this very day I cannot remember anything he said but I could hear and understand it all on that day. I think his words gave me a glimmer of hope because he said something about having to drink all the time and now he didn’t. I could understand that, because that was my problem.

Shortly after this, we went home. I let my wife drive home (which was something I NEVER did). She knew something had happened but I could not tell her because I did not know. When we got home, I poured the rest of my booze down the sink. I began the long and difficult recovery process on that day and I have not had a drink since. Don’t even get the idea that some kind of miracle happened and I was “cured” that night and that it has been a “piece of cake” sobering up. The process has been long and difficult, but God has seen me through all of it.

There were pictures taken of the wedding and my wife and I have one of us standing together with that man in the background. We showed this to my brother in law because I wanted to talk to this man and tell him how much of an impact his words had on me. My brother in law said that he had never seen that man before. As far as he knows, that man was not invited to the wedding and could not have been at the reception. No one that was on the patio remembers him and no one recognized him from the picture. We were all on the patio for several hours and he was quite obvious even to a drunk.

Was that an angel? His words have had more of an impact on my recovery then anything anyone else has said yet I can’t remember what he said. Were my prayers answered that day? Did God send His angle to that place to talk to me alone?

Since 1981 my wife and I were actively involved in 12 Step programs and a 12 Step recovery program and ministry, all related to recovery from alcohol abuse, and I tell this story from time to time, although I can’t tell it without tears in my eyes. I do believe that man was an angel sent by God to tell me it was OK not to drink and that there was hope after all.

PTSD

Without knowing it or understanding it, my drinking problem was part of a more devastating syndrome. To shorten the story about how I got an appointment with a Psychologist at the VA clinic where I found out that I have PTSD I’ll leave out some details. About 3 years ago (2002), I had my entrance physical at the VA clinic in my area. During that physical, my doctor asked a lot of questions and some of those questions lead her to believe that I should go over to Mental Health and see someone. I did and after quite a bit of testing and several visits with both a Psychologist and a Psychiatrist. It was officially determined that I had a severe mood disorder and PTSD.

What is PTSD? Well, an official definition is:

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, or PTSD, is a psychiatric disorder that can occur following the experience or witnessing of life-threatening events such as military combat, natural disasters, terrorist incidents, serious accidents, abuse (sexual, physical, emotional, ritual), and violent personal assaults like rape. People who suffer from PTSD often relive the experience through nightmares and flashbacks, have difficulty sleeping, and feel detached or estranged, and these symptoms can be severe enough and last long enough to significantly impair the person’s daily life.

PTSD is marked by clear biological changes as well as psychological symptoms. PTSD is complicated by the fact that it frequently occurs in conjunction with related disorders such as depression, substance abuse, problems of memory and cognition, and other problems of physical and mental health. The disorder is also associated with impairment of the person’s ability to function in social or family life, including occupational instability, marital problems and divorces, family discord, and difficulties in parenting.

Without really knowing about it or understanding it, my service in Vietnam had done permanent harm to me. My “wound” cannot be seen, but it is as real as if I was shot. I will not tell you what happened even if you were to come over and speak to me privately because it is just too much for me to relive. Even my wife only knows what happened in vague terms.

I had not worked at an actual job since 1992 and even counting my ministry work, I had great difficulty working with other people. I always thought it was my alcoholism that was the reason that I had such difficulties. At the behest of my psychologist, and a few other people, I began the process of applying for VA disability.

Something very interesting happened as I was working on this application and the statement in support of my claim. I was snooping around on the internet for something on the Americal Division (the division I was stationed in Vietnam), and I found a web site for A Battery 1^st of the 14^th Artillery which was the exact unit I was in. If you’re interested, go to http://1_14thfa.tripod.com/ and check out some of the photos. I sent the webmaster some photos and he posted them.

With the help of the DAV (Disabled American Veterans) I sent in my application for VA disability on the 4^th of April 2003 and it was rejected. I was given 30 days to send in a “Statement in Support of Claim”. This statement was supposed to present DETAILED information regarding what happened. This would mean that I would have to write out, in actual words, the particular incident that caused the PTSD. I couldn’t face it. I couldn’t even think about it, let alone write it out for people that I did not even know.

It took several months for me to get to the point that I could write the statement. I had some records of my service time and had accurate dates of assignments and so on. My wife had also saved all the letters that I wrote to her from Vietnam. Those letters were pretty badly termite eaten but I was able to salvage a great deal of information about attacks and what happened. As I began to write my statement, I found myself taking weeks to write just one or two sentences. There were times that I was crying as I tried to type out what happened. When everything was written some 3 months after I started, I submitted 62 pages with photos and maps.

The VA informed me that they had received the statement and that they were in the process of evaluating it. It took them until January 2005 to certified me 100% disabled and 100% unemployable.

Some of you reading this might think that you qualify for PTSD. Check out http://www.ptsdmanual.com/ for some information on PTSD as it applies to Vietnam veterans. PTSD is not a Vietnam veteran mental health issue only. Many vets from Korea and WWII may have PTSD. Go to the VA and have an evaluation. It is my opinion that the combat veteran EARNED VA disability the hard way. I went to Vietnam as a 20 year old kid and left behind my whole life.

NOW

Since 2002, I have been under the care of the Mental Health people at the VA clinic. I have to go in for constant checkups and evaluations and counseling and therapy. I am on a lot of medication that helps keep me somewhat level and they help with the anxiety. The mental health people also tell me what I can and cannot do and I try to the best of my ability to do what they say. One thing that I had to do was to sell all my guns which was rather hard for me to do. Some of those guns I had for 20 to 25 years and I did not want to part with them. I was also told to get something to do as a therapy. Many combat vets with PTSD just sit around all day and maybe watch TV. I couldn’t do that. I had to do something and that meant for me to keep my hands occupied.

I have been labeled a “hobbyist” just about all of my life. I have had many different “hobbies” ranging from building model cars, model rocketry, model ships, model trains, leather craft, competition handgun shooting and woodworking. Even with all these other hobbies, I have been in love with wood for most of my life and I love woodworking. It seems that I had a ready made therapy in woodworking. Rather than repeat myself here, you could just go to the About “Artistry in Wood” by Paul Todd page and read more.

Another thing about PTSD is that it is difficult to live with STRESS. And I mean any kind of stress. This is why I am unemployable. I can’t even take the stress of driving in heavy traffic. I can’t take the stress of the dogs two doors down barking endlessly. I can’t take the stress of an argument. I HATE fireworks! The fourth of July fireworks around here send me into fits. Even annoying noises that I cause in my shop stress me out. I have a zero tolerance for frustration. If something goes wrong and causes me great frustration, I go into an anger fit. I have lived this way since Vietnam and thought it was that I was an angry person and an alcoholic. Any of this sounding familiar to you combat vets out there?

Well, that’s me, PT.

My faith is very important to me but I would rather not discuss it here.

Welcome to PTville

What’s Happening in PTville?

PTville Artistry in Wood

PTville Photo Album

Woodturning Gallery

About Artistry In Wood

Scrollsaw Gallery

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